One last time..

 It was past midnight when the cellphone beeped. For a moment she thought it was her alarm going off and woke up with a start. She checked her phone and realised  it Jay who had messaged her. "Strange! This late in the night on a  weekday? Must have been partying!" she thought. The text read,
              "I m on your terrace. Come up fast."
         Was she dreaming? Should she pinch herself and confirm like they show in the movies? Jay coming up on her terrace to meet her like some bollywood romantic film hero was sooo out of question! But then he never texted her late in the night ever. Was this some prank? Just as she was about to call him and ask him what the matter was, her screen flashed " Incoming call- Jay".
         "Riya you will freeze me in this cold yaar. Come soon."
          Okay  now she was all excited. She snapped the phone shut. Quickly combed her hair and hurriedly applied lip balm. She pulled on a shrug and checked herself in the mirror. Maybe this was going to be one the most romantic days of her life!
          She tiptoed out of her room and sneaked to the terrace of their house.
          Jay stood there smiling at her. So this really was a surprise and not a prank!
         
           He was wearing the red tshirt which she had gifted him. He didn't wear that often because he thought it looked too bright. They had argued on it so many times. She loved the colour on him but he couldn't see that. His gaze was fixed on her as she slowly walked towards him. There was something special about him today. Like the way he was looking at her as if devouring each moment. The way his face shone in the moonlight. It was pitch dark except for the lone lamp (which stood the damage from cricket balls) on the terrace. As she stood close to him, so many questions in her mind, he slightly stroked her hair.
           "Jay what has happened to you?" she asked when she noticed he hadn't once spoken.
           "Just watching you." he smiled shyly.
           "So what's the occasion?" she raised her eyebrow.
            He traced her brow with his finger.
            " I always wondered how you raise only one of your eyebrow."
            They both giggled.
           He walked her towards the swing on the terrace and gently sat her down. He sat  besides her silently.
         "You always wanted me to be romantic right? Sorry I wasn't the kind you wanted." He said
         "Jay I never meant it like that. Ofcourse I would have liked if you did something special once in a while but you don't have to be sorry. Its not a prime requirement." She replied wondering where this conversation was heading. Was he upset ? Was he going to leave her over that ?
          "You could have always found someone who could do that for you. But you stood by me. Through the years we were together. I should have tried to meet your expectations. I didn't."
          " Jay please don't start this.."
          "Shh.. I will make it upto you today.. For all that I didn't say.."
          " I m bad at expressing myself. I always was. I never told you how much I liked it when you always took efforts to make all the occasions special. I like the way you get excited about every little thing. The way you remember all important days for me. The way you pray for me. I like that I can always count on you to wait for me. The way you melt away with just a few smileys that I send you. I like the way you always click loads of pictures and store random things just for the sake of memories. I like the way you are are beaming with happiness right now."
           Oh my God! Was this Jay who was telling all this? She hugged him. She was teary eyed. How silly her tears were. Flowing away after hearing all that she had waited to hear from him.
           "Riya you are beautiful and I m lucky to have found you. Don't ever doubt that okay?"
            He then sat on his knees and rested his head on her lap. She gently stroked his hair.
           "Riya you should paint more often. I know you are studying something else but this is were your passion is. Let yourself free with your hobby. It makes you happy and don't lose it for anything. Don't worry about what others think of you. You are awesome the way you are. Don't fret too much about how others will react to your decisions. Promise me you will never compromise on your choices."
            " I promise. Jay its as if you are giving me a goodbye speech. Its freaking me."
            " Riya, you remember you liked a book in hobby ideas showroom? The one which had pictures of couples in every stage of life? Well I wanted to make something like that for you and I think I succeeded to an extent. Its not as good but here it is." He handed her a crimson red album.
             What could she ask for more? Her joy knew no bounds when she saw the collection. So many photographs of them together with quotes on each. Most of them were clicked by her but there were some which she hadn't seen! OMG Jay had clicked them without her knowing it. It was the best gift of her life from Jay.
            "Remember Riya the day when you asked me what I would do if you were dead? I told you I would cry some days and then move on. You were so pissed that day. Riya truly that was what I would do. I m telling you that what you should do when I m no more there with you. Move on to better things. Better people and better opportunities. Cry for the person and smile for the memories and then leave it behind to make new ones."
            "Jay I wouldn't.. I can't.." she was stung by his words.
            "You have to.." He looked straight into her eyes. He stood up and kissed her forehead.
            She closed her eyes and when she opened it she was alone. On a swing that was gently rocking.
                                             

          Seconds later she got a call. She knew this was meant to be a prank!! Jay is sooo going to pay for this.
         It was "Incoming call Jay."
         "Jay where the hell are you?"
         "Riya, Varun here. Jay was in an accident on his way home."
         "What? Where is he?" Riya was shrieking.
         "He is no more. He passed away few seconds back."
         "Hello Riya, are you there???"

         She frantically checked her phone records. She hadn't deleted anything. Yet there was no record of Jay calling her at midnight and neither the text message.

The truth

He discovered some truths on her death

***

A silent reminder
A chance encounter
Proof of existence
A constant companion

Your daunting gaze
Her shallow look
Departure it was
Those years ago

Now so surprised
He's her soul
Child of heaven.
Bliss of shade.

All these years
He suffered alone.
Childless by choice,
Choice of neglect.

Now his saviour,
She's gone away.
His child discovered
In her death.

***

Green eyes!

He always looked at me with unrelenting hope. His eyes always searching for something in mine, as if somehow he can look deep into my eyes, he'll find something meaningful. I saw that look on his face all the time, the searching look, the inquiring look, all the time wondering if I loved him, asking what he could have done to make me love him back. I cringed at it every time. I wished he wouldn't look at me like that. 

I know what started it all. He fell in love with my Green eyes. To him, they were the most beautiful eyes, and the color he was looking for all along.Green. Green is the color he belongs with and green is what he wants. I couldn't give him green eyes. That's why he looked at me like that. He questioned me, he loved me, he tempted me, he even bribed me. But I couldn't.  Then he felt bad. He felt bad about himself, about the world, and about his life. He hated love, because love didn't love him. Eventually, he blamed me for everything - my coldness, my inability to love. He could never fully decide whether it was my fault or his for wanting Green eyes. I tried to make him understand, but love truly is, blind. 

I felt so sad for him, almost helpless, because the truth is, I don't have green eyes. I have brown eyes. He kept searching in the wrong place. He kept asking for the Green eyes he wanted from someone who did not have them. How could I have loved him back. 

If Only..!

The eyes that looked back at him were full of love and affection. No. The picture did not do justice to her beauty. The big, beautiful, gray eyes, always lined with kohl, the cute little nose and the nose stud she wore, the naturally pink lips all set in that heart-shaped face made her look like an angel. The smile, the dimples that the smile brought, the way her eyes brightened every time she smiled had taken his breath away every single time he’d looked at her, since the last sixteen years, ever since they were six, No camera in the world, no artist could ever capture her beauty. 
He’d considered himself lucky to have her. To have her love.

She’d promised to stay with him forever. Didn’t she tell him that no matter what, she’d always love him? Hadn’t she promised that even if he wanted her to leave, she wouldn’t because she loved him too much? Didn’t she tell him that she’ll never leave him alone? Then why?

Why did she go? Why did she leave him when he hadn’t even asked her to? Why did she break her promise? Where did the forever go?

He hadn’t asked her to leave. He couldn’t, ever. But, she did. For God wanted her to.

To see someone die is painful. It hurts. To see someone you love more than anything else in the world, die is excruciating.

He blamed himself for her death. No matter what his friends said, no matter how much his parents consoled him, no matter what HER parents said, he held himself responsible. The doctor had declared her brought dead and she’d died with his name on her lips and his hand in hers. He’d seen the pain on her face but he had also seen the love in her eyes.

If only he’d not called her while she was crossing the road. If only he’d not dared her to cross the road, alone. If only he’d not asked her to meet him, that day. IF ONLY.

He looked below. 20,000 feet. He couldn’t even do that. HE couldn’t even die. He knew he couldn’t end his life. The parents-his and hers would not be able to take it. Her parents had lost their only child. His parents would lose theirs if he jumped. 

He walked back to their home. The house she’d wanted since she was nineteen. He knew he’d buy it. Buy it for her. But, there was no her.

He wondered where she was. He wondered if she was watching him. Tears were flowing and he wondered if she was crying with him, wherever she was.

“I don’t want you to cry. Not a single tear, okay? I love you. Always have, always will,” he whispered.

Two month later, he died in a road accident. 

With the sweet morning breeze of fresh spring, 

you sway along; 

Making my feet, fly and dance.         

with a desire so strong, 

I wish, eternity shall last until eternity;

For it is with you, that I belong, And your heartbeat plays,

My favorite song.